During my first pregnancy, I was so excited to welcome my new baby and to become a mother. Everyone around me would tell me all about their pregnancies and births, share their knowledge, as well as give me advice on what they would do and not do in almost every situation that may come up. I would often think about how my spouse and I would parent together, how we would raise our child, what we would and wouldn't do in different scenarios. But with 9 months of preparation for a child, nobody could have told me what would happen at my birth. Mainly because every pregnancy, labor & delivery, and child are different and unique. But also because nobody really told me about what happens to our bodies physically when you have a baby. Yes, I knew I had to push a baby out of my vagina and if things didn't go as planned I might have a cesarean. BUT nobody told me about all of the things that my body will go through and might experience.
Nobody told me about the mental effect it might have if I have cervical checks and I wouldn't be as progressed as I was hoping. Nobody told me about the different ways one might be induced. Nobody told me that my body is prepped to birth whatever size my baby might be. Nobody told me that I didn't have to be induced if I was at my estimated due date without a baby yet. Nobody told me beforehand about the medications they might offer me, what they are for, how they might affect me physically and mentally even after having my baby. Nobody told me about what birth is really like.
If you are a woman and you want to have children, chances are you have already thought about what your birth and life might be like when welcoming a child at least once in your life. BUT are you really educated? Almost everything that I knew about childbirth when I was pregnant with my second is all self-education. Everything I knew and expected even after having my second is all of my own doing because even though I had two kids, I still was not as educated as I should have been. Even after my check-up appointment with my OB/GYN I still learned more about birth by myself after reading more, asking more questions, and looking up studies.
My pregnancy was not easy with my first. I was sick constantly and even though I lost 60 pounds, couldn't keep any food or hardly any liquids down, my OB still wouldn't diagnose me with HG because I was overweight to begin with and it wasn't a big deal that I was losing so much weight. After having to go in to get fluids a time or two, getting poked multiple times because my veins and body was so dehydrated, my daughter who I was growing inside of me was still such a fighter. I eventually made it to the last semester and was finally able to eat something towards the end of my pregnancy. At 39 weeks I was .5cm or 1cm dilated and my doctor suggested doing a membrane sweep. I had no idea what it was but after it was explained that it could help dilate and progress my labor I went for it. It was incredibly painful and did not put me into labor. At 40 weeks my doctor offered to do a membrane sweep again but because of the pain I declined, and then my doctor asked about induction. I didn't know much about inducing and wanted to wait before giving an answer right there. I returned at 41 weeks with a little more knowledge and my doctor said that it was time to induce. I was induced that evening and went home to labor and then back to the hospital in the early morning. The contractions at home that night was very hard, it felt like my body was doing something for sure, but I was NOT mentally prepared for those contractions. Then later when I got into the hospital, they gave me a cervix softener med and then soon later started pitocin. I was NOT prepared for those pitocin contractions even more! As much as I knew that birth was painful, that I knew I had a high pain tolerance, those contractions were something else ESPECIALLY experiencing back labor as well. I didn't know what the cause of back labor was, but I sure knew it was not my friend. I didn't want an epidural (even though I didn't know exactly how it worked) because I have a bad back already and didn't want to add anything more to it. After trying nitrous oxide and after being in labor and almost maxed on pitocin, I agreed to an epidural because I was told it might help my body relax enough to progress. At 46 hours of labor, I received an epidural. The epidural was amazing and I was able to get some much-needed rest. I was still able to feel some of the contractions, especially if they were still in my back, but it was nothing compared to before. After hours and hours of maxed-out-on-pitocin labor, they decided if I didn't progress within a certain amount of time, I would have a cesarean. The on-shift OB was so nice and kind and was going to come back and check on me by a certain time to see if we needed to do a cesarean or not. After a couple of hours passed after the time she was supposed to come in, she came in within an hour of her shift ending. I didn't want to meet someone new, wait for shift change to complete, and then go in for a cesarean. If it was happening, I wanted it to be the nice OB that I had a relationship with already. I was prepped and brought to the OR. After 58.5 hours of labor with no substantial food and little rest, I had my baby girl by cesarean. The cord was wrapped around her neck and her foot, and the doctor assumed that's why she wouldn't progress past 4.5cm dilation. I was at 3cm dilation when I went into the hospital at 7am on Wednesday and didn't progress past a 4.5cm that entire time, and then had my baby on Saturday morning. I didn't know until 2 years later when I had my second child, went through a similar birth, that the OB I had a relationship with and the one that did my cesarean had done my first cesarean too high and not on my bikini line but on the fat of my stomach. Then it all made sense why I had to go to PT for so long and hurt my back at work after my first because the first cesarean surgery cut my muscles more than it would at the bikini line and made my back compensate for any use of my body.
There are many more details to include in it all and more with my second but my point with this blog, the reason I became a doula and want to help other expecting mothers, is because even after 2 cesarean births and laboring for many hours with both, I still was not informed on birth, newborn care, postpartum care, self-care, care for my partner, nutrition, physical care, etc. I'd say I had 5% of needed information after having my first, and 15% of needed information after having my second, but it was all self-taught or self-experienced and no doctor informed me.
I am here to inform, teach, support, listen to, advocate for, and help you and your partner. Being a doula is not about money for me, it is to genuinely help support mothers, families, and children in any way that I can. Please reach out to me or to MamaB's Doula Services if you have anything you want to talk about or have any questions.
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